Being sick...and spaghetti strings.

Well, it's definitely 7:30am...I don't have anything too profound to say. Except that I am trying to be excited that I am pregnant...even if I am sick. It is not a lot of fun, because I can't really take any medicine..and I don't even want to take the emergency packets that I normally take, because of our scare with baby this week...which I have to say was really scary. Shaun of course was like, "it's okay no matter what happens, God is in control". I was a different story. I definitely didn't know what to say to the nurse who had told me earlier on the phone, "...yeah, some women come in at 12 and 13 weeks, and there's no baby in the sac." So matter of a fact too. I think her words scared me more than the spotting that I was having. So, we went in for an ultra sound and THE BABY WAS IN THE SAC!!!! It was incredible. I started crying, (I don't normally cry too often, although, since being married I cry a lot more) and Shaun was just in awe looking at the monitor, and talking about how amazing the technology was....honestly, it was the most relieving moment of my life. It was so weird. Nothing else seemed to matter to me. As I type my heart is pounding even more, and I am starting to get a little teary eyed. Shaun and I have created, (well, God did even more) a little baby in my belly. I don't think until this moment I have realized how special it is. Last night, I was talking to my roommate, (who I love so much) and just telling her how God is using my child, (and definitely my cousin's two beautiful little girls) to change our generational sin. How many times I have been to my younger cousin's house to rescue him from his pit of hell, and how many times my brother calls me to fix his heart that is hurting for my mother, who he can't get past, because he has no forgiveness or even anything in his heart to give him peace about her. So many family functions where I have been the "black sheep" for my past attitude, or past hurts, or just the pain my family has caused in my life...Nope, not anymore. I pray to my God that our child, will not see that. That he/she will see God's peace, and unconditional love. God do I pray. It almost hurts my heart already to know that my child will endour his/her own pain growing up. But, hopefully Shaun and I will be good enough parents, to guide them to the right source, for peace with their hurts and sorrows. The best thing about having my own child is, he/she is God's first then Shaun and mine. It is amazing to think at when I was a first Christian, or shoot, even right before I got married, I didn't want children. I don't even know how I was going to marry. There were too many people in the world that needed saving, and I wanted to be apart of it so bad. So that definitely meant there wasn't going to be any time for marriage and babies...until God brought Shaun into my life...but, now I wouldn't take it back for a million years. I love my husband more than anything. To be able to come home after a junky day, and just lay in his arms...and hear him tell me that everything is okay, and then, to lead us in prayer. That is the best part, is having someone else in your life love God as much as you do, and then to also know our God's unconditional love. That is what I love about Shaun so much. Someone could be the biggest jerk to me, so something so rude, and it really be out of line, and Shaun will lead me back to the cross with that person. Sometimes, we will even pray for that person...(after I am done complaining and venting..lol) but, we always come to the conclusion that whoever "did me wrong" or didn't appreciate Shaun, that it isn't about us, it's about God, and how we can be used in their life..or what we are sopposed to be learning...or mabe, (not a lot, lol ) how could we have fixed our own attitude, or pride, and even how to be more humble.

Wow, I have definitely veered off from my first thought of being sick and pregnant at the same time...so, since I have become pregnant, my heart is changing. Knowing that I have nine months to straighten out some things about me..especially being the new year and all, I have a list of things I would like to work on before mommyhood comes...

1. I want to eat good during my pregnancy

2. Be able to control my attitude, even if I know someone else is wrong, I don't want my child
growing up to be a little hot head. Obviously, I also don't want to raise them thinking they have to give in everytime someone is terrible, but to have a unconditional love and to give large amounts of grace, even if someone doesn't deserve it right away.

3.Finish my counseling certification

4.Making my marriage with Shaun as strong as I can personally do. To some people the idea of putting your husband before your child is completely and utterly wrong. Well, that is what I want to be able to do. I don't know how, cause I love serving others, and I hate to say this, but sometimes even more than I love serving my husband....so my heart wants Shaun to be put in that place above all others but of course, God.

5.Stop listening to garbage...I hate the saying, "Garbage in, Garbage out", but it's so true...I know many two year olds who repeat everything...the last thing I would want is my child to start singing something like...."how do you want it..." or "she moves her body like a cyclone..." really, or how about, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick"...lol as I am listening to it right now....not to mention it can be a terrible testimony...BUT I LOVE IT!!!! Honestly, I want God to change my heart in this area...it'll be crazy hard.

6.To have our finances in place. Not that we are completely awful....well, the last 6 months have been terrible. To teach our children that it's okay to have money in the bank...to teach them about tithing, and how important it is to do. To show them how to save, to use a checkbook, to give to others when hurting and in need. To be able to go on family vacations without struggling....now, not to get confused with spoiling our kids with money. Nope. I remember working hard for special outings, and clothes and candy, whatever it was at the time, I felt I was in need of some money when I was younger. To be able to teach our children they need to be responsible for their actions including money is huge to me. NO CREDIT CARDS!!!! EVER!!!! that was a sidenote.

7.Most importantly, to teach them an incredible relationship with God, one they can cling to in all of their emotions. God, I just pray right now that you would guide our children to you, that they would be a loud voice for you in this fallen world. That when put in the middle of a scary situation they would know to call on you for strength. Also, when things are awesome and amazing that they would praise you with their mouths and hearts with thanks. God, I pray that you would guide Shaun and I as parents that we would be able to bring them to the cross, and not guide them with our useless words. That they would see you in us and our marriage. That God, you would help them to know that they need not to please man but to please you. To know that is what will bring them peace, is your holy presence. I pray against the enemy now, that you would guard them against the enemy in your name, that you would protect them from unneeded pain and hurt, to help them fight against the enemy's ways. Not to say that they won't go through pain, but to discipline them through that if needed, and to love them through it with your amazing unconditional love. God, I just pray that Shaun and I would stay humble as parents, and that we would be able to weed out all of the words of man, and that we would raise our children to be servants of Yours...I love you Jesus, and thank you for this amazing opportunity to love so deeply, without strings. Lord, guide me, help me to love you first above my husband and child. Help me to get my cup filled from you first. Then to fill Shaun and baby's..Thank you for an opportunity to change my family's generational sins. Lord, thank you for bringing me to this point...Your name I pray.